


I Didn't Know I Could Feel This Way

by SoulsOfStardust



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: F/M, Five is flustered, Fluff, Romance, Young Love, cuz why not, five is in denial, kinda one shots but kinda not, oh well, requests are cool, series confirmed, stats gave me inspiration, tell me whatchu want, they're all related and go in chronological order, vanya is more confident, watchu really really want, wrote this instead of doing what i was supposed to
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-15 06:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18493159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulsOfStardust/pseuds/SoulsOfStardust
Summary: She's always on his mind.  He doesn't know why.  In which, Five feels a certain way around Vanya, but correlation is not causation...right?





	1. Make An Observation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again. Okay so I think I won’t be able to update the other fic for a few weeks because I have A LOT of stuff coming up, but I’ll still be working on it when I can to get it up ASAP. With that said, this idea has been annoying the crap outta me for a while. Stats gave me inspiration! Who knew! Five and Vanya are probs OoC, but eh. Yolo. I enjoyed writing it, that’s all that matters. Song inspiration from I’m In Love With A Girl by Big Star. Will probably continue with more one shots in the same vein. Lemme know what y’all think!  
> Disclaimer: I don't own Umbrella Academy or I'm In Love With A Girl. This is for fun, not for profit.

2002~

The first time he noticed it was when he was in the library with her.

Five was working on his time travel calculations and Vanya was reading a book that she had borrowed from Ben.  It was a habit for them to do things like this together during their free time, a comfortable silence hanging in the air as they went about their own work.  Only the sound of pages turning, pencils scribbling, and soft breathing echoed in the library.

It was unintentional, really. 

She went to set her novel down on the table just as he dragged his pencil to the edge of the page in his journal.  It was the briefest of moments when their hands brushed up against one another, but something had changed.

Five had jerked his hand away in surprise, leaving a line of graphite across his paper in the wake of his movement.  Vanya had let her book slip from her fingers to hit the counter with a _thud_ as she froze at the contact.  They stared at their respective pages, their bodies remaining unmoving and the atmosphere shifting from a pleasant quiet to a deafening silence. 

He didn’t understand why there seemed to be a problem.  It’s not like they hadn’t ever touched each other before.  They had their fair share of hugs, although those were quite rare and hadn’t happened in a while.  Their fingers had grazed one another when they handed each other things as well, but those moments were also infrequent and not recent occurrences. 

 _Huh_.

Actually, Five couldn’t think of the last time he and Vanya had touched before then. 

He knew that he came into contact with the other children, Sir Reginald, and Pogo on a daily basis due to the physicality of their training exercises.  Grace also tended to pat his hair or squeeze his shoulder as signs of affection that he reluctantly accepted, not to mention the countless times she had to stitch up any wounds. 

But Vanya?  There didn’t seem to be any need for them to touch at any point in their day-to-day lives, so it was no wonder that their fleeting touch just now was their first in a long time.

It also happened to have him all kinds of fucked up.

He wasn’t sure why.

He had a good poker face when it came to emotions, so it wasn’t difficult for him to act like their touch was no big deal.  He could play off the jolting of his hand with ease.  However, no amount of sheer willpower could dispel the red that flared across his face.  That was the only visible indicator that didn’t even _begin_ to express his inner turmoil.

His skin tingled where her small smooth hand had lightly bumped his.  His breath caught in his throat and his heart thumped swiftly in his chest, which he hoped that she couldn’t hear and realize how much she had affected him. 

He wasn’t used to reacting to…well, _anything_ in this way.  It was an unusual feeling, one that was foreign to him.  He’d never felt this way before, and if he was being honest, he didn’t know that he could even feel this way about anything.  It was strange, to say the least.

What the hell did Vanya do to him, exactly?

 _Wait_.

Did he know _for sure_ that it was touching Vanya that made him like this?

The reasonable part of Five’s brain knew that _of course_ , the contact between their hands had certainly led to his erratic physical response.  It was a simple cause and effect relationship.  Statistics couldn’t get any more straightforward than that.

Unfortunately, his logical reasoning was ignored in favor of irrationality.  He banked on the fact that correlation was _not_ causation, at least in many situations.  Just because he and Vanya _happened_ to touch each other before he reacted the way he did didn’t mean that it was the cause of his unfamiliar feelings. 

No, there definitely could’ve been numerous other factors that did…whatever the hell _this_ was to him.

The air conditioning in the room must’ve been malfunctioning, which led to his face heating up in the warm atmosphere.  He had a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich just an hour before their free time, so his increased heart rate must’ve been due to his sugary afternoon snack.  The pollen count was high that mid-spring day, meaning that allergies could account for the constriction in his throat.  The tingling sensation in his hand…did that happen whenever he touched anyone else? 

It _had_ to.  Why else would there be this strange feeling in his skin?  It wasn’t because of _Vanya_ , that’s for damn sure.

Correlation was _not_ causation.

Vanya had recovered from her shock, or at least enough to move again, and started fumbling with her novel when she picked it up.  He noticed there was a light blush dusting her cheeks, and her chest rose and fell with heavier breaths than usual.  She also chewed on her bottom lip nervously.  She was obviously trying to get back into the story, but her eyes darted around the page, not focusing on what she was looking at.

Their momentary contact had clearly flustered her as well.  Five felt relieved that he wasn’t the only one, and he was perhaps even a bit amused by her reaction.  He found that he kind of liked the way she looked when she was flustered, rosy cheeks and all.

Whoa, whoa, _whoa_.

Where the hell did _that_ come from?

He needed to stop reading into this so much.  She was just facing the same symptoms as he was from the higher temperature in the room, the sweet sandwich she had shared with him earlier, and the loathsome pollen permeating the air.  He already established that _Vanya_ didn’t do this to _him_ , so it only made sense that _he_ didn’t do anything to _her_. 

_Right?_

Correlation was _not_ causation.

Five tried to get lost in his calculations again, but he couldn’t get his hand to move. 

That’s just…an unfortunate side effect.

His hand lamely sat in the middle of the page.  It loosely held his pencil that he willed, to no avail, to start recording the ocean of numbers in his brain.  Alas, even if his limbs were functioning properly, it seemed that all the equations in his mind had left him high and dry.  It must’ve been low tide, the formulas pulled out to sea for the time being as he had lost inspiration.

That’s what he had tried to tell himself, anyways. 

He didn’t linger on the fact that the paralyzed hand was the one that had touched Vanya’s, and that the numbers that had disappeared had been replaced by thoughts of the girl next to him.

Which, none of that meant _anything_.

Correlation was _not_ causation.

Five glanced at her again and was startled to see her looking at him already.  She smiled softly when he met her eyes, her cheeks still pink.  She then turned back to her book, finally reading the words that lined the pages.  Although she still appeared partially fazed, she had considerably calmed down and moved on, whereas he was still stuck on thinking through the situation.

He liked when she smiled.  He felt a weird fluttering sensation in his stomach when she did.

_Seriously?_

He needed to get himself together.  He also needed to stop eating those unhealthy snacks so that he wouldn’t have that stomach problem…that he’s _never had before_.

There’s a first time for everything, though.

Correlation was _not_ causation.

“I like when you smile, too.”

Five jerked his head in her direction.

What the _fuck_ did she just say?

Vanya didn’t look up from her novel when she spoke or when he turned to her.  She just giggled and continued reading, as if her words didn’t have any real weight to them.  Or because she already knew what they would do to him.

Oh _shit_.

He had said it out loud.  He had said he liked when she smiled _out loud_.

And she had _heard_ him.

She had responded, too, but he wasn’t about to get ahead of himself with speculations on what she had meant.  He was a little occupied at the moment with an internal meltdown that he couldn’t explain.

So much for being an expert at keeping his composure.

If it was possible, his already speedy heart rate kicked into double time.  His face felt like it was ablaze and his throat tightened again.  The tingling in his hand had morphed into a burning sensation, as if the touch of her hand had seared a mark on his skin to remind him that she had done this to him, that she was the one making him feel these things.

 _Stop it_.

Five squeezed his eyes shut tightly and tried to reason away his reaction.  The room had only gotten warmer as the sun was at the perfect angle to shine through the library windows and onto them.  The sandwich had given him a worse sugar high than he had previously thought.  The pollen had slipped in through an open door and was now assaulting their sinuses worse than before.

 _Yeah_.  That seemed plausible.

So why was he still worrying over a simple touch?

He pushed all thoughts of Vanya out of his head.  He could figure this shit out _later_.  Maybe he could run a few experiments, ultimately proving that she _wasn’t_ making him feel some kind of way and correlation was _not_ causation.  He really had to stay focused on the task at hand for the time being, though.  There was only so much free time they were allotted, after all.

Five dove back into his time travel theories, his hand finally mobile again and the equations rushing back in with the high tide of his mathematical brilliance.

That’s much better. 

Perhaps he could get through the rest of free time without thinking about Vanya and how nice her giggle had sounded.

 _Goddamnit_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed!  
> ~SOS~


	2. Identify The Problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty. I got a little excited and wrote the next part to this, which I'm a little unsure about, but its got a couple surprise tools that'll help us later! I already have an idea for the next chapter though, so that may or may not be up in a few days? No promises, but it's a fluffy one. And by the chapter titles, I'm sure y'all know where I'm going with this. Five's a nerd.  
> I'm still working on the other story, it'll just take a little longer as I'm trying to map out what all I wanna do for it, plus I'm aiming for 5,000-6,000 words each time. I'm slow and get distracted easy.  
> Also! If any y'all wanna request something you'd like to see, I'd be happy to hear your ideas! As always, lemme know what y'all think!  
> Disclaimer: I don't own Umbrella Academy, I'm in love with a girl, or Faure's Apres un reve. This is for fun and not for profit.

2003~

There was a problem.  A _big_ one.  He couldn’t deny it, either.

For a few months after the incident in the library, Five didn’t feel right.  Like, _at all_.  His face oftentimes felt very hot, even if his training that day wasn’t particularly straining.  His stomach did somersaults frequently as well, and sometimes his heart felt like it would beat right out of his chest.

At first, he just figured he was sick.  He must’ve been coming down with the stomach bug that had been passed around the children of the academy for a few weeks, a fever serving as an added bonus.  His elevated heart rate also must’ve been due to the illness putting stress on his body.  He had read that in an anatomy and physiology textbook once during his one and only foray into learning about the human body.  It was a horrible decision, really, but some of the knowledge came in handy for dealing with the effects of time travel.  It also happened to be useful in trying to explain his current ailment.  The point was, Five knew what it was like to feel under the weather and he could handle it.  It wasn’t like it was particularly hard for him to just soldier through being sick.  He’d done it for years without a hitch. 

However, this was different.

When the symptoms persisted for weeks and then _months_ on end, Five knew a virus couldn’t have been the case, but what other reason could there have been?  It was _mere coincidence_ that Vanya was always there when his body acted up.  It was _just happenstance_ that he would find himself feeling better only to fall ill again the moment she smiled or giggled or even just _looked_ at him.  That didn’t mean she was the one making him sick, though.  They hadn’t touched again since that day in the library, so this _had_ to be proof that she wasn’t making him feel like this.

Correlation was _not_ causation.

Today, he sprawled on his back across Vanya’s bed with a book while she practiced her violin.  She was lost in the achingly mournful melody of _Après un rêve_ when he looked in her direction.  She had been working on perfecting the song for a while now, so she no longer had to refer to the sheet music that sat on the stand in front of her.  Her eyes were closed and her eyebrows were scrunched together in concentration.  She swayed in time with the movements of her bow. 

Vanya always showed great passion when she played, which was something Five had admired about her.  She communicated a range of feelings with lovely music and expressive body language, feelings that she couldn’t admit with simple words.  In many ways, he wished he had an outlet for his own emotions that was poetic like the violin, but there was beauty in theories and mathematics, he supposed.  The universe spoke of truths that everyone could relate to.  They just needed to be translated for people to understand, whether it be the language of math and science or of art and music.

The song was only halfway through when Vanya opened her eyes and glanced at him.  Their eyes locked on to each other, stuck in a staring contest.  Five could feel his cheeks heating up and a tickle in the pit of his stomach.  His heart skipped a beat.  He had to turn his gaze back to his book before he would literally combust.

No.  She had nothing to do with this.  His training must’ve made him worse for wear over the years, making him susceptible to this hellish sickness he had caught from the other children.  Or perhaps he was just dying.  That sounded about right.

Correlation was _not_ causation.

In moments like these, Five noticed that Vanya had started to act differently around him as well.  Just like right now, she looked at him.  _A lot_.  During meal times.  When they passed each other in the halls.  While they spent their free time together.  That’s not to say she _never_ looked at him before.  He just realized that she did it more often now.  Perhaps he was aware of it because he regularly caught himself looking at her too.  Combined with his obvious physical reactions that _just so happened_ to occur simultaneously, her looks were hard to ignore.

He couldn’t really figure out why he found himself staring at Vanya every day, or why she stared right back at him, but it was becoming a problem.  He couldn’t seem to stop himself from looking at her when they were in the same room or thinking about her when they weren’t.  It was distracting him from his efforts to time travel.  If he was going to be able to achieve his goal, he needed to concentrate on his calculations and not on this ridiculous and confusing situation he was in.  Would it help him get over his _illness_ if he determined why he was feeling the way he did?  That seemed like a reasonable starting point to fixing his predicament.  If Five knew the cause, then he could find the solution.  Problem solved.

His plan was easier said, or rather thought about, than done. 

The song was drawing to a close.  He couldn’t help but risk another glance at Vanya, only for her to look at him again at the _same damn time_.  Just his luck.  He didn’t think his heart, or his face and stomach for that matter, could take the agitation of whatever sickness plagued him for another second. 

That is, until she smiled and laughed.  Not like the timid upturn of her lips and the shy giggle during these past few months, which he religiously denied would make his heart flutter and color his face red.  Oh no, this was a delighted grin spreading across her face and a joyful laugh escaping her mouth.  She just looked so _happy_. 

He felt like he was on fire at this point.  That’s _fun_.  But also _not_ tied to Vanya in any way.  They should really get the air conditioning repaired in this fucking house.

Correlation was _not_ causation.

“I think I finally got it!”

Vanya placed her instrument on the bed next to him as she spoke, excitement evident in her voice.  She had just played Fauré’s piece flawlessly.

“Of course you did.  There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that you wouldn’t.”

Which was absolutely true.  Five believed in her more than anybody else, even more than she did.  It surprised him that he said this, though.  He usually wasn’t this _soft_ around people.  It wasn’t like _Vanya_ made him soft or anything.  His illness must’ve been affecting his ability to make decisions that didn’t expose the kindness that everyone, including himself, thought he didn’t have.  Who knew he had a heart after all?

Well, Five was certainly aware of his heart for a while now, especially in that moment with its accelerated beating.  He needed to lay off the damn peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches.

“Thanks, Five.”

Vanya’s smile softened as she bit her lower lip and dipped her head so that a curtain of hair could mask her growing blush.  In her bashfulness, she looked kind of cute.

What the _hell_?

He couldn’t comprehend why his mind was going in _that_ direction.  Sure, he’d certainly never thought she was _ugly_ , but he’d never thought about Vanya or anybody else in that way before.  It was all so very confusing, and he was starting to think that maybe his sickness really was impacting his brain.  Maybe he should go see a doctor to get it checked out.  Or he could just ride it out as he researched what the _fuck_ was happening to him and how to eradicate these thoughts and feelings he never knew were even _possible_ for him to experience.  Probably the latter of the two.  He was never one to ask for help doing something he figured he could do faster and better on his own.

Five cleared his throat before responding.

“Don’t mention it.”

He tried his best to appear nonchalant despite his fierce blush and returned his attention to the book in his hands.  He no longer remembered where he left off, so he scanned the page to find any familiar text and start again there.  He had to make it look like he was calm, cool, and collected, although on the inside, he felt anything but.  He was good at making it seem like he didn’t care, probably because most of the time he really didn’t, so he was sure he could pull it off.

He did at first, but it didn’t last very long.

“Really, Five.  It means a lot.”

He froze.  The pages he pressed beneath his thumbs slipped out from under their hold, hopelessly losing his place in his book. 

Her hand was on his arm. 

Her _hand_ was on his _arm_.

His brain was short-circuiting at her touch.  It felt like her fingers were matches setting fire to his skin.  It wasn’t unlike the moment they had shared in the library, just intentional and longer this time.  Somehow, he found that…it wasn’t _so bad_.  The burning sensation from her hand didn’t hurt him, it was just very _noticeable_ and _distracting_ and he actually didn’t _hate_ the feeling.  In fact, he realized that he had kind of missed her warm touch all these months, and when she pulled away with a bright smile and a pink flush on her face, he almost wished for it to return.  She _had_ to know what she was doing to him.  The shade of scarlet that colored his face should have made that quite obvious.  

No no no no _no_.

Five couldn’t accept this.  He couldn’t understand why he acted this way, but Vanya couldn’t be the cause of all his emotional and physical turbulence.  She just _couldn’t_.  The rest of his family already drove him crazy.  He couldn't let her fall into that category as well.  He was _sick_.  Nothing more than that.

Correlation was _not_ causation.

But none of his feelings made any sense _whatsoever_.  He needed more evidence in order to come to a proper conclusion, preferably one that sufficiently explained his turmoil and claimed Vanya wasn’t the source of his troubles.  To do this, he needed to research, and that wasn’t getting done with him laying around like a petrified log.

He choked out a couple words before hurrying out of the room.

“No problem.”

Which was absolutely _not_ true.  There was a problem.  He intended to resolve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed!  
> ~SOS~


	3. Research The Topic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos! I'm really enjoying writing this story, and I hope y'all are enjoying reading it! Here's another chapter for ya, and as promised, it's got some fluff, although it's not really sweet per se. That's next chapter. It's also longer than the other two cuz research is important! And a wild Allison AND Ben appear for plot points. I'll try to have the next one out this week, but I'm a very busy bee so it might be next weekend when it comes. You're Music To My Eyes is still coming along as well.  
> Lemme know what y'all think!  
> Disclaimer: I don't own Umbrella Academy or I'm In Love With A Girl. This is just for fun and not for profit.

2003~

Research was a disastrous affair.  It left Five with more questions than answers, and it definitely was a distressing endeavor.  And that was coming from a boy who was a goddamn _superhero_ for a living.  He was also a boy who loved to learn, so researching was something he found enjoyable.  He studied nearly every topic he could to learn about everything the world had to offer him.  It was safe to say his thirst for knowledge was borderline obsessive.  However, the subject matter of his recent investigations had certainly made him question whether he really wanted to know everything or if some things were better off unexplored.

This discomfort came from many sources, but the first and most embarrassing that Five had reluctantly consulted was that damn anatomy and physiology textbook.  Even after a few years, it still made his head reel.  He had also grabbed a few other books on the same topic that he could never bring himself to even look at after reading the first.  The one had been enough for him.

The human body was an interesting subject, and Five didn’t hate learning about it, per se.  Or rather, he didn’t hate learning about any system and function of the body that didn’t have anything to do with reproduction.  Admittedly, he had glossed over those chapters in his first attempt at research in the field of study, but the diagrams and explanations were still stuck in his brain.  They were what made him avoid that section of the library for a month _back then_ and what made him recoil in revulsion _a few months ago_.  He had steeled his nerves and read the books anyways.  The suffering he would endure in the name of science was unmatched.

Unfortunately, Five came up empty.  The books provided plenty of information on _how_ the body worked, but they gave no indication as to _why_ they decided to react the way they did.  He was a little irritated that he got nothing useful out of reading the books, but he was unsettled more than anything.  Leaving no stone unturned had its benefits of quelling any lingering what-ifs, but there was always that bit of disappointment that came when nothing of use was discovered.  He had thought _for sure_ he would find something in at least one of the books that would help him understand what was going on with him.  There was still research to do, but he did feel a pinch of discouragement at this failure.  This usually manifested itself as irritability.

Although Five was beyond capable of masking his emotions, his short temper was something he found difficult to suppress.  It wasn’t lost on the other children of the household that he was in a bad mood with his snappy remarks and aggravated demeanor.  The lower numbers had learned from an early age to keep away from him during these periods as he tended to lash out at them, unless they really wanted to fuck around with him and make him angrier.  The upper numbers in contrast would try to reach out and comfort him any way that they could.  The latter group conveniently included Vanya.

Her approach to calming him down had always been verbal or musical.  She would go to his room and either play him his favorite songs or sit down on the bed next to him to talk.  She was the one person who had any success in making him feel better, save for Ben who sometimes found the right words to say minus the presence of Klaus.

However, Vanya’s methods had changed over the past few months.  She still played the violin for him, but her verbal communication added a new feature.  A _physical_ one.  She began touching him when she spoke with him.  She’d place a hand on his shoulder, on his arm, on his hand, all gestures that sent sparks through his body and made his mind go numb.  He knew she was just trying to help, but most of the time he just felt worse after they talked, his symptoms getting more and more exacerbated by the day.

Five then turned to pathology textbooks detailing specific diseases, though his search was fruitless again.  Many times, he would have the right symptoms, but they wouldn’t be severe enough or had persisted too long to be diagnosed as the sickness described.  Maybe he had contracted a disease that had never been discovered.  He’d need to study it more to be sure.  Still, his unsuccessful research had left him uneasy and dejected.  His irritable behavior only intensified with his continued failure.

Then Vanya started touching him in mundane situations _outside_ of their private conversations, and Five knew he _had_ to be dying at this point.  She would elbow him while they sat next to each other in the library, press her knee against his at mealtimes, bump into him as they walked down the hall.  She was acting so _strangely_ , and he thought that maybe he had given her whatever illness he was suffering from.  Because he was _definitely_ _sick_ and he couldn’t think straight because of it, so she must’ve been sick too.

Why did he say that?  Well for starters, Five found himself _liking_ it when she touched him, even if he kind of felt like shit when she did.  But it was somehow a _good_ kind of shit?  He didn’t understand.  Being sick wasn’t a nice experience, but for some reason he almost _enjoyed_ it this time. 

He was really fucked up.

Then there’s the problem with him wanting to touch her too.  And what’s worse?  Five _did_ touch Vanya.  He touched her _a lot_.  All in the same ways she would touch him.  Her eyes would flutter and so would his heart.  She would blush and he would heat up.  A smile would pull at her lips and he would mirror the gesture.

Well, he did also pay attention to how he felt when touching or being touched by other people in the house.  It wasn’t like he was _only_ touching Vanya.  He did notice that no one else made him feel the way she did, but that was an insignificant observation as he concluded that those tests were just mistrials.  He didn’t think he could compare anyone else to Vanya.  They interacted on a different level than the rest of the family.  It wouldn’t make sense to equate training sessions and visits to the infirmary to spending leisure time together.  The mode of touching would have to be a factor controlled in future studies in for the results to be accurate and reliable.

Overall, he just chalked up his actions to research because _maybe_ he finally accepted that touch did amplify his symptoms, although the fact that it was Vanya _didn’t have anything to do with it_.  He didn’t touch her because he liked to see her react to him, and he didn’t let her touch him because he liked the way he felt when she did.  He allowed the contact because he needed more information on the subject that the _fucking textbooks_ weren’t giving him.  That was all it was.

Correlation was _not_ causation.

“Do you ever read anything besides those stupid textbooks?”

Five turned his head to see Allison walking towards him.

“Do you ever read anything besides those stupid magazines?”

He went back to his previous task of scanning the book shelves and running his fingers over their spines.  He was scouring the library for another textbook that might solve his mystery disease.  He was coming up short, as per usual, and he was becoming so desperate that he even thought about trying to look into any paranormal guides that the library had to offer.  Perhaps he was demonically possessed and that was why he didn’t seem to be in control of his actions.  Although, Klaus probably would have notified him if that were the case, so that theory seemed highly unlikely.

“I read books too, ya know.”

Five rolled his eyes.  Allison had probably decided it was a good day to fuck with him.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

She stepped closer to him.

“Well, take a gander and start believing.”

He sighed as he looked at her again.  This time, she held up a book in her hand for him to see.  The cover had a man and a woman facing each other with smiles on their faces and an intense concentration in their eyes.  The woman rested her hands on the man’s jaw while he had his hands placed on her hips.  It appeared to be an intimate moment. 

It was obviously a romance novel, the genre that Five had never dared read.  Sure, he had read the classics, but only because they were either required by Sir Reginald or because they had more substance to them than just the romantic aspect.  These factors usually overlapped anyways as Hargreeves didn’t care much for romance either.

“You call that a book?”

She scoffed.

“No, I call it a _masterpiece_.  Maybe you should try branching out from your boring science textbooks and read something like this.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“I’d rather _not_ , but thanks for wasting my time.”

Five grabbed a random book from the shelf and teleported to his room before Allison could get the last word in.  When he appeared next to his desk a moment later, he looked at the book in his hands and realized that it was one he had already read.  He slammed it on the counter in frustration and sat down in his chair with a _huff_.

His research was not going to plan, and it was aggravating him to no end.  He was getting nowhere, and he felt like an utter failure.  He always had the answers, but now all he had was questions.  This was one of the few things he loved, and he was failing at it.  It wasn’t a fun experience so far.

A light knock on his door alerted him to the presence of another person entering his room.  When he glanced in that direction, he saw Vanya standing in the doorway.  She seemed to have a sixth sense for these kinds of things.  She knew when he, or anybody else for that matter, was upset without having to ask.  She was always there to comfort him, which he was grateful for, even if his grumpy attitude didn’t let him show his appreciation. 

“Hey, Five.”

She crossed the room to stand next to him, a soft and reassuring smile gracing her lips. 

“Hi, Vanya.”

He looked up at her from his seat.  He was very aware of how close they were, and his body anticipated her touch by acting up in all the usual ways.  From what he could tell, so was hers.

“Is something wrong?”

Her smile was gone now, and her expression had become one of concern.

“What makes you ask that?”

Five knew exactly what she meant, but he wasn’t going to tell her _hey my body is fucked up and I might be dying_.  It was kind of embarrassing that he didn’t know what was going on, and he wasn’t sure how she would respond to his research, especially if she knew she was a part of his investigations.

“You’ve seemed stressed for a while now.”

Her eyebrows were knitted together and a frown pulled the corners of her lips down.  He didn’t like seeing her worry like this, although it was nice to know that she cared about his wellbeing.

“I’m not stressed.”

He tried to reassure her, but she looked unconvinced.

“Are you sure?  You look like you are.”

She eyed him warily, trying to read his face.

“What about me makes me look stressed to you?”

Five wasn’t sure where he was going with that question, but Vanya took it and ran.  She never took her eyes away from his as she went about explaining her observations.

“Well, your shoulders are tense all the time.”

She reached out and rested her hands on his shoulders, making him jerk in surprise, but he soon relaxed into her warm touch.  Her touches were a familiar feeling now, a feeling that he had grown rather fond of.

“And you’re always popping your knuckles.  It’s a nervous habit of yours.”

She didn’t lift her hands from his body as she slowly slid them down his arms, leaving agonizing trails of fire in their wake.  She wrapped her hands around his and rubbed her thumbs over his knuckles.

“You’ve also got these worry lines on your face.”

Vanya let his hands fall to his lap again before placing her own on either side of his head.  She traced the tiny wrinkles that formed next to his mouth, across his forehead, in the corners of his eyes.  She had never touched him like this before, and his face felt like the sun with her fingers gently caressing him.  His eyelids fluttered, her touch making him want to close his eyes and sigh in relief.  He kept them open, though.  He wanted to look at her as she looked at him. 

This moment reminded him of the cover of Allison’s romance novel, where the couple held each other close in a similar embrace, although their touch was the only parallel that he believed they shared.  Five remembered the placement of the man’s hands on the woman’s waist and decided that it wouldn’t be so bad to touch Vanya too.  So, he reached out and gently touched her hips.  Her breath hitched briefly before she settled down and moved a little closer to him.

They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, gazing into each other’s eyes and getting lost in each other’s touch.  Her touch burned him, almost as if she was branding him.  She was making Five hers with just a brush of her hand, and he liked it.  He hoped that she felt the same way.

“ _Ahem_.”

The moment was shattered by the clearing of a throat from someone at the door.  Vanya jumped away from Five as he almost slid off the back of his chair in his haste to put distance between them.  He glared at the door with a red face to see who had walked in on…whatever the _fuck_ that was.

It was Ben.

“Sorry to interrupt but, uh, Dad wanted to see you for one-on-one training.”

Five scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion.

“I already did one-on-one training with him this week.”

Ben shuffled nervously.

“He wants you to help with Diego’s training.”

Five sighed.  He knew what that meant.  Diego would be throwing knives at a moving target.  _Him_.

“ _Fine_.  I’ll be down in a minute.”

Ben nodded curtly and hurried off, no doubt acting so awkward because of what he had just seen by accident.

Five wasn’t really sure what had happened either.  He hardly had time to even think about what he was doing before he was actually doing it.  It was almost like he was possessed, like Vanya was the puppet master and he was on the strings controlled by every touch of her hands.  The scariest part about believing he was hers was that he _wanted_ to be hers.  He wanted to be sick, he wanted to be possessed, he wanted it all for her.  What terrified him was that he _wasn’t_ terrified of this desire.  He didn’t know what this meant for him, and he was confused by his predicament more than ever.

“I should probably go practice.”

Vanya muttered with a glance in his direction before leaving the room.  She also seemed taken aback by her actions a few moments ago.  Five couldn’t blame her.  It was an overwhelming situation, being terribly ill from a disease that made them lose their minds and was worsened by contact with another person.

Yep.  He was _still_ on his bullshit explanations.  It was all he had that made sense, after all.  His research efforts were sucking tremendously, but he would stick by his theory until he was proven wrong with no lingering doubts. 

Correlation was _not_ causation.

Five grumbled as he got ready to go to training.  He wasn’t looking forward to being Diego’s target.  He knew what the cut of his knives felt like all too well, and their sting was nowhere near as pleasant as that of Vanya’s touch. 

Which was _irrelevant_.  

He was _sick_.  He was fucking _dying_.  Dying to feel her touch again that is, but he wouldn’t admit _that_ out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed!  
> ~SOS~


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